Hey, It's Okay.

Today’s post is not about what I’ve been up to, it’s not a recipe, or a haul, snaps from my life. In fact, even as I sit here writing this, I’m not really sure what it is. 

When I started this blog I wanted it to be somewhere where I could not only share snapshots of my life with you guys, but also a creative outlet for me. Sometimes, when my head gets a little too full, all I can do is spill out it’s contents on a page and hope that it all makes a little more sense to me. 

Problems and worries all seem a lot more insignificant when they’re just words on a page. This week, I have been really unhappy. There’s no real reason, I had an amazing day on my birthday at the start of the week, and nothing has really gone wrong, but I just feel really miserable. This is probably just a reaction to all the stuff I have going on right now, my Uni deadline was today, my boyfriend is so absorbed in his work we’ve barely spoken in the last two weeks, I haven’t spent time with my friends in over a month, it’s the end of term so I’ve run out of money until the next installment of my loan, and most of all I miss being home. I might be done with Uni work for the next few weeks, but my boyfriend still has another month to go, so I can stay here in London, and chances are I’ll be pretty bored (and hungry since I don’t exactly have a budget for food right now) or I can go home and be all alone. I don’t talk to any of my friends back home anymore, and it’s not like my boyfriend can come with me so… It also doesn’t help that I’m not really enjoying my uni course, and to top it all off the people on it are less than friendly. Turns out I’m not all that interested in fashion anymore, or at least, I’m not interested in working in the fashion industry anymore. 

I don’t want this post to be just me moaning. If it is, I won’t publish it, nobody wants to read that. I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay not to be happy all the time. It’s okay not to be having the fabulous University experience that everyone on your Facebook your age is having. It’s okay not to want to go out drinking. It’s okay to prefer spending your friday evenings with a scented candle and a good book. It’s okay to not finish your degree if it’s not right for you. It’s okay to not know what you want to do past tomorrow night. It’s okay to feel like you need to disappear sometimes. It’s okay to enjoy your own company, more than the company of people who aren’t true friends. It’s okay to have a good cry sometimes (I personally like to sit in the bottom of the shower directly under the stream of water and just let it all out). It’s okay to not want to explain all this too. It’s okay to not want to explain why you don’t want to go out, or why you feel down. It’s okay to want to feel a little miserable sometimes. 

I don’t know if this will resonate with any of you at all. Maybe I’m just chatting to myself here. Thing is, I know I’ll pull out of this funk in a few days time, and I’ll forget it ever happened. But I guess I just wanted to remind future me, and any of you who might feel the same, that you will never appreciate the best moments in life, without the crappy ones. Every crying session in the shower is worth it for the moments of true happiness, where you can just live in the moment and enjoy life. 

I’m off to go make myself a giant pot of tea, and hopefully I’ll be back soon with something a little happier to say. But for now, I’m going to grab myself a good trashy chick-lit book and snuggle up on the sofa for a while, and just breathe.